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Qualms about Packing…

One too many bags...

So I’ve just come to the conclusion that time doesn’t just fly, it teleports. How did two months magically disappear into a deep abyss leaving me an impossible 11 days to buy, pack and sort out everything on my ever-growing list of things to do?

Although anticipation for the trip should do enough to fuel my urge to pack, ultimately packing is just too time consuming and exasperating a feat for an incompetent traveller (me). It depresses me having to choose between bringing a big bottle of shampoo or two small bottles.  But of course even after leaving many of my beloved belongings back home, I will still discover how completely useless 50% of everything I brought with me was and will probably be forced to pay for excess baggage. Bravo.

This time it’s even tougher. I will be packing for a completely unknown territory. Who in the world would know just how cold Mackinac Island could be in late spring/summer especially when NO ONE has heard of the island to begin with? I’m crossing my fingers and hoping it’ll be somewhere in the region of 15celsius to 25 celsius so whatever I’m dumping into my bags should be sufficient. If I freeze to death, the first reader to post a comment on this entry will get my favourite pair of underwear. (the black one with the black dots and a little ribbon with snow balls in front) I’ll also throw in my pair of fake yellow Ray-Bans. The second commentor will get my extensive collection of dried-up pens from around the world and an Enid Blyton book.

Nevertheless I will follow the best advice about packing there is out there:

Pack everything then leave half of it back home.

Off in two months…

This marks the beginning of a “travel” blog which I fully intend to keep up with despite my unappealing traits of laziness and procrastination. Let’s make a premature toast to the completion of this blog.

It’s mid-March now and my estimated time of departure to the land of the Yankees is just a mere two months away. It’s a historical moment as I relinquish my status as one of the masses and take up the role as an exotic Asian stereotype, complete with the jet black hair, almond eyes and crappy Asian accent. We’ll see how the Americans react to this.

Through the CIEE Work and Travel programme, I’ve gotten myself a job as a barista (or deli clerk) at Mission Point Resort in Mackinac Island, Michigan. It’s not New York City or Los Angeles, but oh well, at least they have a cinema on the island. (wow…)

It might look perfect... but we'll have to see

Lilean and Eunice are coming along and they’re going to become a housekeeper and a dining room attendant respectively. Don’t you think it’s amazing how a couple of university graduates got such wonderful career building jobs right after their graduation? Personally I regard it a miracle.

Oh well, at least it’s great for character building. That, and the impending doom of living in a secluded island with no shopping mall nearby and no means of transport other than bicycles and *snort* horse carriages. Now I’m sure that’ll build great character.

All I’m worried about now is that I will not remember how to make cappuccino (or spell it) and master the secret art of handling the cash machine. Perhaps I would even artfully spill drinks on my customers and pop soggy popcorn. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll even have a spiteful customer or two complaining about what a failure as a barista I am…

Backpacking with my mother

Pulau Tioman's favourite color is blue

Tioman had been beckoning me to visit since I first heard raving reviews about how fantastic and time-forgotten the island was all the way back in 2008. Alas, being Malaysian, I was genetically built not to be able to follow through with my plans therefore suffered many failed attempts in making my way there.

When Michal invited me to join him to Tioman, I agreed on the spur of the moment. It was hasty and there was no time to plan, making it perfectly suitable travel arrangement for a procrastinator like myself. To make things even punchier, I jokingly invited my mom, whom against her better judgment, actually agreed to join us on this backpacking adventure. Boy did she regret it.

one of our better moments

Now, my mother was a woman who maintained the utmost cleanliness at all times. Sometimes even when it seemed impossible. Among the list of things she hated are – sweat, stains, dirt, insects, sand and of course being Asian, the sun. I sensed doom the moment she “spontaneously” agreed to join me on the trip.

As I bought the bus tickets, the ticketing office ensured me that it was a comfortable 3-seater and I heaved a sigh of relief. One less thing to aggravate my non-backpacker mom.

But of course, this being Malaysia, the bus turned out to be late AND a 4-seater. Although she got 2 seats to herself, I doubt my lovely mother managed to catch even a wink of sleep. Michal and I, being rather used to crappy buses, drifted off into an uneasy sleep, with me waking up every few moments to check on mom.

My usual good luck ran out the moment we arrived at sleepy Mersing, 5am in the morning. ‘Ferry to Tioman will not be here till 2pm!’, a local on a motorbike cheerily announced to us as we got off the bus, sleep still on our faces. ‘You can come for breakfast at the restaurant there!’ He pointed to a worn down building with some wooden tables and plastic chairs. It seemed to be the only place open in town.

Unwilling to believe that and knowing only too well how touts worked, I stubbornly trod off to the jetty to see the schedule for myself. Michal followed, gentlemanly pulling my mom’s luggage (the ultimate non-backpacker travel equipment). Wind was strong and mom was starting to whine.

‘it’s still so long till 2! I want to get a room to shower and rest!’

‘we’ll see when we get to the jetty okay?’ I responded, trying my best to be patient.

10 minutes later we arrive at the jetty and the tout turned out to be telling the truth. Because of the low tide, there wasn’t going to be a ferry until 2pm. It was going to be 8 hours of waiting. I turned to look at mom and she was looking rather antsy. That wasn’t a good sign.

We bought our tickets for the 2pm ferry and headed back to the ‘restaurant’ for breakfast. The rest of the other backpackers were there, lying splat on the tables, catching as much sleep as they can as the town slowly woke up. We couldn’t find any guesthouse who would take us in for a cheap day-use price so in an effort to save precious money I managed to convince mom to be adventurous (which basically meant not washing up for more than 12 hours).

the gentleman

After breakfast, we walked back to the jetty and settled down for a nap. Unfortunately only Michal managed to fall asleep. My tummy was coming close to killing me (ah… vodka, remind me never to drink you again) and my mom quite unsurprisingly couldn’t fall asleep on a bench. We spent our time having a casual chat with this Ukrainian who was travelling around with a bucket as his bag. After what seemed like forever, our ferry finally arrived.

You’d expect the journey to go well from here on.

But alas, it didn’t.

The sea was especially choppy that day and we smartly chose to sit in the front of the ferry so the ride closely resembled that of a deranged rollercoaster.

It was fun in the beginning but slowly turned to hell as I started feeling the need to puke. Mom’s face was white so I reckon she felt the same.

And two hours later. We arrive at ABC beach – the backpacker beach of Tioman island.

It wasn’t much, with a small but long beach filled with rocks and dead corals. It was lined with basic wooden chalets and had a footpath that led you to the other end of the beach. The sea was blue but that

Michal the alcoholic

was about it. Nothing amazing. So much for expecting a beach paradise.

After scouting around for the best deal, we finally settled at Mokhtar’s Place. My mom, bless her soul, stated that she preferred another place down the road AFTER I paid for the room. Very nice touch indeed. Anyway, our room came equipped with an ice-cold shower, a sandy bed and a dusty mosquito net, so for RM30 I’d say it was worth it.

Michal decided he would just sleep on the hammock by the beach, so that he’d have ‘more money to spend on happy hour beers’.

Basically I’ve almost exhausted all the details on the Tioman trip. The process of getting here was way more exciting than the island itself, mainly because in Tioman, your days revolve around three things only – eating, snorkeling and drinking.

The island is blessed with a duty-free store which sells all sorts of liquor at rock-bottom prices and on our first night, Michal, Gerry (a new Irish friend we met) and I trekked to the shop 30 minutes away from the beach. Our harvest of the night included a bottle of tequila, some lime, a packet of salt and two shot glasses. That was enough for a wild night out at Tioman, where occupants on the island put their lights out at 11pm.

when it rained at sunset bar

We crept into Sunset Bar at the end of the beach after they had closed and drank shot after shot of tequila in a little hut. It started raining in the middle of the night and we lay on the sandy floor, listening to the pitter patter of the rain while talking about life and whatnot. It was a great experience, and to top it off, it became the first time I blacked out after alcohol.

I remember Michal helping me back to my room where mom lay snoring softly on the sandy bed and I remember taking out my contact lenses but the rest of the night drew up a blank. The last thing I remembered was taking my sixth, maybe seventh shot of tequila. But it was a nice blackout. Something like a milestone that every coming-of-age teenager would have to go through except that I was a bit late.

The next day brought upon us a mild hangover so we did nothing but eat and consume fruit juices. It rained so I didn’t feel so guilty about wasting my days sitting in a restaurant by the beach doing nothing. As the grey sky slowly turned blue and the sun peeked out of the clouds, my hangover was gone and snorkeling time was in.

where we hung out most of the time - sunset bar

Perhaps it was meant to be but snorkeling wasn’t all that fantastic that day. Visibility levels were low because of the storm before and I didn’t manage to see much except for some fishes and some dead corals. Pair that with me trying to get my reluctant mother to have fun in the sea. Not perfect, not perfect at all. She kept complaining how she couldn’t breathe and how water kept going in. I got pissed in the end and threw off my mask in order to help her with hers. And with the wind and the waves, my snorkelling gear floated away.

That’s when I threw a fit. And it was not pretty. Mom climbed out of the sea and away into the room after I yelled at her. Michal kept searching for my mask for a long time to no avail and I just sat and floated around in the sea trying to calm down. That was when I decided whatever comes comes and I was just going to let it be. Mom and I made up after I got back and we went for a fairly nice dinner together watching the sunset.

waiting for the sunset

The next two nights were amazingly laidback. Fried rice, pineapple juice, and tequila shots. Spent some time trekking to Juara beach, this incredibly secluded beach at the other end of the island. Mom didn’t come along and I got a little respite from her.

It turned out to be the magic formula. She had a great time being alone and meeting strangers. I had a great time being away from her and just chilling. Juara was fantastic for people wanting a huge white sandy beach with nice waves and no crowds. I really liked it.

It had this nice Coconut Bar at the end of the beach which played reggae music and served the shittiest cocktails for RM10 a pop. But still we had fun. I searched for Bera’s CD which he claimed to have left behind two years ago but could not find it. Not surprising, considering it’s been two years. It would’ve been really cool though if I had found it and played it. Like a time capsule.

chilling at Coconut Bar

The next day was our last day. We got back to ABC beach at around noon and found mom chatting with a French woman and an American from San Francisco who was living my dream – travelling and writing. Mom obviously could not wait to leave and I saw the excitement on her face as she quickly snapped up all her things from our barren room and stuffed them into her bag. We walked quickly to the jetty and glanced at Tioman island one last time. Mom didn’t even look back.

Backpacking was obviously not her thing.

The next day she told me that she decided to leave the backpacking to me and go to resorts instead. Bravo. Can’t say that I’m not proud of her though. She survived 4 days in Tioman, sleeping in sand, bugs and walking around in the sun without commiting suicide… I’m proud of you mom!

last glances at Tioman

15 Steps to an Amazing Island Getaway

Eunice's virgin flight

1. Check out www.airasia.com every single hour of the day until you discover an insanely cheap ticket. Proceed to persuade your college buddies to fork out the money for these tickets even though they can only be used four months later and nobody knows for sure what they will be doing. Your buddies will most probably spend a day or two pondering, and in the meantime, the ticket prices would have gone up by at least 50%. No worries, it is still fairly cheap, being Airasia and all. Finally they make up their minds and you buy the tickets at twice the original cheap price. But you’re happy. You’ve finally gotten everyone together for what you know will be the most awesome trip of the year.

Balangan Beach where we spent a total of 20 mins at

2. Now you have four months to prepare for this trip. Make sure you read through every travel website there is on the destination. (In my case, it is Bali Indonesia.) Compile a list of semi-cheap accommodation which you think your buddies would be interested in staying at. Spam them with this list multiple times, complete with updates. Some of your buddies will respond enthusiastically but do not expect too much of them. They will probably reply ‘whatever you think is nice would be great for me’ without actually reading the email. Do more research. Spam them again, this time on different touristy spots which you’d like to check out. Buddies will obviously not be interested, as four months seem to be far away in the future. You should be excited despite their unsatisfactory responses otherwise there will be no one to upkeep the group spirits!

Rice paddies in Ubud... simply serene

3. Of course, being the lone excited person can get kinda old after a while. So your enthusiasm fades away for a bit. Life gets back to normal. You almost forget that Bali is in your calendar. Each of you should work really hard at whatever it is you’re working on at that moment. Concentrate on life. It is of utmost importance that you ignore the fact that you are going to Bali 3 months later. However, excitement is revived as you discover that your other friend is going to the island together with her boyfriend at the SAME TIME as you.

Our nice driver for the last day - Agung

4. Alright. So Bali is now just a mere two weeks away. You reconfirm with your buddies where they’d like to stay. They randomly choose a guesthouse which seemed nice and homely on the internet. You excitedly make a reservation. You even found someone to stay with at one part of the island who kindly offered to arrange transport from the airport to his place for cheap. Travel plans are almost set and you begin to ask all your friends who have been there what to do and what not to do. You feel like you know everything there is to know about the island, all the tricks and the traps, all the good stuff and the bad. You feel invincible.

5. The day is finally here. Your flight is at 5pm. The night before you schedule with your buddies to meet up for the taxi at 2pm. In order for the trip to remain exciting, make sure that one of your buddies works on her assignment at the very last minute therefore missing the 2pm taxi completely. Maybe it’ll add some spice if another buddy decides to stay with Assignment Buddy without telling you and another buddy. It’s now 2.15pm, you’re anxious. So you call Assignment Buddy to tell her you’ll leave first and she can catch up. Assignment Buddy passes the phone to Loyal Buddy who seems uncertain about whether to come with you or lay around at home doing nothing. Of course, the check-in time should not be a matter of consideration at all.

Our friend/host in Seminyak, Bali who dishes out the 'best' advice

6. So Loyal Buddy finally decides to join you and another buddy, leaving Assignment Buddy to slave away at her paper. You surprisingly arrive at the airport with some time to spare and Assignment Buddy appears half an hour later, not even out of breath. The Gods of Travel must be on your side. You check in. Everyone is excited. To make it more special, it should be the first time flying for one of your buddies. Because of the first-timer butterflies in her tummy she checks out the toilet numerous times, one of those being the time when the gate opens and everyone else is walking into the plane. You mention that there is a toilet on the plane, but it falls on deaf ears.

Jimbaran Bay, where the seafood costs a bomb

7. Of course, it is crucial to the plot that your plane arrives late in Bali. You hastily pick up many brochures on your way past immigration and say goodbye to the couple who came to Bali at the same time as you. You should have no time to plan anything with them because you are rushing out and you lose touch with them completely. You walk out to see your driver holding up your name card. He claims to have waited 2 hours for your arrival to make you feel bad. It will be extra exciting if your driver doesn’t understand you and seems to have no clue about where to bring you. Your buddies try to communicate to no avail. Miraculously he manages to bring you to your friend who is waiting for you at a Japanese restaurant. Not exactly the most appropriate first meal in an Indonesian island, but oh well, at least you’re getting free accommodation. The driver of course asks for way more than what your friend said he’d charge. You spend 15 minutes arguing about the taxi rate and consequently pay 20% more than expected. You start to feel like perhaps you don’t know so much about Indonesia after all and maybe all that research is for nought.

excited because this costs only RM6

8. The next day all of you wake up feeling refreshed and eager to explore the unknown. Your friend who gave you a room for the night is still asleep so you spend a good two hours waiting for him to wake up. It’s now 11am and he chastises you for wasting your time in the house. He tells all of you that daylight is limited in Bali and every moment of sun should be appreciated. He then proceeds to give you a list of where to go and what to see for the day. Forgetting all the plans you made with all those months of research, you now follow his ‘insider’ plan and run around seeking a driver which he claims will cost a whopping 600K rupiah (a whopping RM220). You don’t believe him because your research told you a driver should only be about 400K rupiah but he is not convinced. He makes a bet with all of you that if you found a driver that costs only 400K he’ll pay for it. You shake on the deal. He then shoos you out of the house and directs you to a cheap shop to buy a sim card for easy communication.

Eunice discovering her modelling roots at Tanah Lot

9. You arrive at the shop. The sim card, contrary to what your friend mentioned, is not cheap at all. Four of you split the cost. You use the card to call some drivers whose numbers you jotted down from your research back home. Without much effort you find a driver willing to take you through your itinerary for 400K. Major win! You excitedly talk about what you could do with the money. The rest of the day should be spent rushing about the itinerary and instead of leisurely taking in the sights you spend most of your time in the car because the places were so far away from each other. Instead of staying at a beautiful beach to watch the sunset, you should try to rush over to the next destination on the list because your friend claimed that the sunset is amazing there. You should turn up only to find how the sky is too cloudy and there is no sunset to be seen. Monkeys should be trying to steal your things at every given moment so you are always on your toes. This makes your heart race.

we are finally reunited at the blessed Warong Murah

10. Because of the exorbitant amount of money you have spent the day, you and your buddies decide to settle for a cheap dinner at an appropriately named restaurant called Warong Murah (literally translates to Cheap Foodstall). At this very moment, the lost couple from the airport should materialise on a motorbike outside your restaurant under the pouring rain. They come in to join you excitedly and you hug each other, close to tears. Of all places to be reunited, Warong Murah would be the last, but yet it is the one. You thank your Travel Gods again. You make plans to head over to Ubud the next day, a different part of Bali where beaches are a lacking. You decide that it will be cheaper to travel in a group of 6 than in a group of 4.Your friends tell you that they bought their simcard at 1/4 of the price of yours. You decide that you’re the silliest people in Bali at that moment and hate your friend for being the most useless ‘insider’ in the world. You go back home to tell your Bali friend that you got a driver for only 400K… he acts surprised but makes no move to keep his word on the bet. You decide that it would be rude to call him out on it since you’re being given free accommodation. The next day you should say goodbye sadly and leave for Ubud with your super cheap driver.

the nicest accommodation - Pondok Krishna

11. After 2 hours or so in the MPV, you finally arrive at Ubud at the guesthouse that you had made a reservation for all the way back in Malaysia. It should not resemble the photos at all and the owners should not be as friendly as advertised. Because you have made a reservation, you decide to make the most of everything and not regret your decision. You cheerily park your bags in the room and leave to explore Ubud. Your reunited friends leave for their own accommodation elsewhere. They call you later in the day to tell you how wonderful and cheap their accommodation is and you decide that instead of roughing it out in your current choice, you would move over to theirs.

breakfast at Pondok Krishna

12. It is of utmost importance that you get into a huge row with your current guesthouse owner. He should use loud and scary voices on you and your buddies as you carefully explain that you would like to move out after one night and not pay for the second night. This adds the element of teamwork to the vacation. Lose the argument and pay whatever the asshole tells you to pay because he looks like he would murder you if you don’t. (This is Rumah Roda. Never stay there) With bad spirits you walk to your new accommodation but the sight of the beautiful room (and at a cheaper price) puts smiles on your faces again. You make jokes and everyone is happy again. Everyone should shower and then set out together to shop around in Ubud.

RM10 pizzas at Pizza Bagus

13. The rest of the day should consist of laidback sightseeing after the lessons learnt on the first two days in Bali (too much to do/see = no fun at all). Shopping should take up most of the time. Walking to the pizza place (Pizza Bagus) introduced by a friend should be included in the plan as well because they sell the best and cheapest pizzas around. Retire after a long day to the comfortable room to count the harvest. Dresses and gifts should be laid out on the ground as one of your buddies takes a bath in the marble bathroom.

the most awkward spa experience ever

14. Go to a spa. Get awkwardly naked in front of your buddy whom you never thought you’d ever get naked in front of. Get your naked boobs massaged for the first time in your life by a complete stranger. Soak in a tub filled with flower petals and sip hot ginger tea with your buddy, occasionally making the accidental touch to his/her private parts. This brings you closer to each other. Finally end up eating at the pizza place again after much discussion about where to eat.Plan even more shopping for the next day.

15. End the trip by waiting 12 hours at Mc Donald’s at Kuta Beach for your flight because you want to save on a night’s accomodation. People watch. Camwhore many many times. Check out the internet cafe to kill an hour or two. Walk to the beach in the middle of the night and get hit on by random Kuta Beach Boys. Lay out your shopping for your buddies to admire. Eat many Mc Donald’s spaghetti which is the cheapest item on the menu. Finally grab a cab to the airport and voila, you’re home and everyone with smiles on their faces and the memories of the best getaway ever.

Shopping shopping and shopping

PS: it especially helps if it rains 3 days out of the 6 you’re in the foreign land, now that would be one perfect vacation.

The foodie’s guide to Phuket

Dusk at Kata Beach

Now we all know that Phuket is possibly THE most cliched tourist spot in the world. When Phuket is mentioned, only three things – beaches, Patong nightlife and shopping – would pop into the average person’s mind. It’s become such a norm that Phuket has lost its luster, except perhaps to sex-craved middle aged tourists.

Being the laziest traveller in the world, my favourite thing to do when in a foreign place is to sit somewhere and people watch. Thankfully, Phuket serves up some of the world’s best people-watching sites. There are plenty of other more fruitful stuff to occupy your time of course, if watching red-faced bald men get drunk while hanging off a skinny bargirl’s arm is not to your taste.

I’ve thoughtfully used up almost a month of my precious beach time compiling this list of activities specially catered to those who care more about the little things (like food) and have more than a week to spare on this colorful island.

Although not amazing, Phuket can be bearably interesting if you tick off a few items on this list.

1. Go to the Big Chicken.

Big Chicken

If you haven’t tried real, down-to-earth authentic Thai food, it’ll be quite embarrassing of you to claim that you’ve been to Thailand. And by ‘real, down-to-earth’ I don’t mean the dozens of tourist restaurants located near the beach that serve fish and chips and wow… sweet & sour fried chicken. No. You wouldn’t do that to yourself. You need to be more hardcore than that and search for the elusive Big Chicken. It’s located near the Phuket Country Club just a short drive away from Phuket Town. Once you catch sigh of a giant 30-foot chicken, stop immediately and park. Camwhore a bit. I mean, it’s not every day that you come across such a glorified chicken statue. You might notice a lot of expensive cars parked out front but fear not, the Big Chicken is probably more reasonably priced than that shitty tourist restaurant that you would’ve eaten at anyway. When inside, try the barbecued chicken (duh) and the garlic pork. Also try everything else on the menu. It’s all good. Leave with a fulfilled smile on your face. Repeat this process about five times before you depart from Phuket to get the maximum effect

tantalizing garlic pork with rice only 49 baht.

checking out the curries at Big Chicken

2. Windmill Viewpoint (you can drive up from Nai Harn lake, it’s not far from Phromthep Cape)

Overlooking Nai Harn and Ya Nui beach

Let the masses flock to Phromthep Cape. YOU are special and deserve something better. Drive up on your scooter, park and proceed to hand over 30 baht to the Rastafaria guy selling coconuts and drinks to obtain your Sunset Coconut. This is crucial to the enjoyment of the amazing sunset which is about to happen. (Sunset occurs about 6pm in Phuket) My favourite spot is the one where you have to walk a few seconds downhill till you see a nice little sandy platform. Sometimes there will be Phuket boys there playing their guitar and singing and nothing in this world can beat the carefree feeling of just sitting there, sipping on your coconut listening to the wind and waves mixed with the soft reggae music and watching the sky slowly turn orange, red, purple, pink and finally darken into a demure purple.

3. Any beach after sunset. (my favourites are Kata and Naiharn)

Windmill Viewpoint during sunset

Once the skies darken, all the crazy people who pay 100 baht to rent their sundecks will flock away for (a probably very bland) dinner and the sundeck entrepreneurs will pack up and leave to count their earnings for the day. This is the time to enjoy the many sundecks laid out at the beach, absolutely free of charge. It’s awfully romantic for those who just wanna sit, watch the moon, hear the waves and sip on something you bought from 7-11. What’s more… there won’t be anyone else there to intrude on your privacy because for some strange reason no one’s on the beach at night… so you can do anything you like… like skinny dip

4. Small Viewpoint Bar Kata

drinking at Small Viewpoint

What’s Phuket without a few drinks? And what’s a few drinks without an amazing view of the sea? Small Viewpoint Bar’s name might give off the wrong impression but the view it offers is definitely nowhere below awesome. Come before sunset to grab a good spot… 5pm-ish would be nice, otherwise expect to sit somewhere where you can’t see anything, which is pointless, really. Drinks are reasonably priced for the view you get in return (some 60 baht for juice/coconuts and a bit more for cocktails) Why remain stuck in bars on groud level when you can get super drunk at at X-meters above the sea?

Here’s a video someone made of the bar (before its renovation), watch it in amazement please

you look out from here... into the amazing view

5. 7-11

Random tourist posing at 7-11, Kata

I think 7-11s in Phuket are far superior to those I’ve been to in other countries. This is mainly because of the existence of the Great Sticky Rice Burger. It’s probably the junkiest food on the planet but boy is it satisfying. The pork/chicken burger is filled with herby, spicy goodness and paired with the hot sticky rice buns the taste is like nothing else on this world. Great for a late night binge since nothing else is open anyway. Also look out for the 10baht yoghurt drinks from Meiji… goes great with the burgers. 7-11s in Thailand are always worth looking at… even just browsing around will give you a gentle dive into the culture of the people there – what they eat, what they need in times of emergency, what kind of products they use… supermarkets are also very enlightening.

the infamous sticky rice burger

6. Som Tum Lanna (will provide directions there soon)

Som Tum Lanna

marveling at the spread

It’s a bit out of the way and I doubt anyone can find it because it’s just a ramshackle roadside shop but if you do somehow find this place, be prepared for a very satisfying meal. Order the som tum, a delicious concoction of crispy papaya, dried shrimp, peanuts, tomato, beans, chillies, fish sauce and lime juice mixed together in a mortar and pestle. Tell them ‘mai phet’ if you don’t want any chillies in there because it can be hot as hell. If you want MORE chillies (your tongue be damned) just say ‘phet phet’. You might notice some chicken, beef and fish grilling away on a wire rack at a corner of the shop, billowing tasty smoke all over. Point at the pieces you want and soon it’ll be served up. Also order some sticky rice (Khao Neow) because it goes best with the Som Tum and the grilled meat. What makes this place extra special is the sauces they serve up with your meat. Dip a tender piece of grilled beef into a mysterious mixture of herbs, chilli, fish sauce and God know what else, stick it into your mouth followed by a small ball of sticky rice and your tastebuds will definitely thank you. Did I mention that Som Tum Lanna is awfully cheap too?

mmm... grilled beef.

7. Chernlong BBQ Buffet

feel free to stuff yourself

Puzzlingly named after Jackie Chan’s chinese name, this place offers a buffet of all sorts of goodies for a very, very, and I DO mean very cheap price of 139 baht per person. In all fairness the freshness of the raw items can be a bit dubious, but it tastes alright and the best thing of all is that you can cook it yourself on a copper fryer they set up on every table. Cooking your own food always add an element of fun to the meal so if you’re looking for fun night out and lots of burnt meat, turn up at Chernlong along with the hundreds of locals. It can get quite packed at dinner time so arrive early to secure a spot.

You’re lucky because I actually have the address to this place. 35/65 Vichitsongkram Road, Moo 5, Vichit, Muang Phuket, 83000. Phone: 076210198. It’s near all the big malls.

8. Get fined by the cops for not wearing a helmet while riding your scooter

our favourite cop who fined us

This is an extremely exciting and rewarding activity. Rewarding because you can lighten the load in your wallet and exciting because what can be more thrilling than getting in trouble with the law in a FOREIGN COUNTRY? The shameful ride to the police station and handling over 500 (!!!) baht just for not wearing your helmet! Hotspots for this activity include Chalong and Patong. If you feel like getting fined, just ride around without a shirt/helmet on.

At Naiharn beach

Enjoy the food!